The Ups & Downs

It’s been some time since I last posted.

I had been deep in a definite depression for a while. During these times, I find it difficult to write. At times, I find it difficult to do much of anything, including the very activities that normally give me life, like knitting and cooking. Or existing in general, really. Usually I will sleep a lot during these times to escape the sadness and emptiness.

I was recently (tentatively) diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by my talk therapist. Likely Type II. This does not come as a surprise, but add that to Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Depression and you have something a little more complex…but since it’s not exactly “news” and just a way of describing symptoms that I have had all along, nothing has actually changed.

It is a bit of a relief, actually, to have a description of the disorders that have been plaguing me. It makes them much easier to identify, and eventually anticipate and correct.

This should always be the goal of diagnoses. The DSM can be a useful tool, but also a destructive one if you allow your particular brand of mental illness define your entire life.

I do believe that a lot of the outcome depends on how the diagnosis is delivered, and how the patient is supported throughout treatment. This brings me to a quote:

“One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.”

-Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

I do hope her passing was peaceful…she will be sorely missed.

If you  haven’t yet read her book, Wishful Drinking, I do recommend it.


Anyway, I don’t have much more to say at the moment. I have been doing more personal work involving written journals, reading, meditating, yoga, etc. lately. I will probably remain pretty quiet for the most part until things start to even out again.

Love & Light


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